


Two in the Morning

by sharkdad



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Crack Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-03
Updated: 2019-04-03
Packaged: 2020-01-04 10:21:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18341720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sharkdad/pseuds/sharkdad
Summary: Wash wakes up and believes he's gone to heaven.





	Two in the Morning

It was early in the morning, so early that the sun still had a couple hours before it made its debut over the crash site.  It should've been silent. No crashing. No yelling. No signs of life. Hell, even Washington wasn't up this early. Except for this one instance.

 

His eyes warily cracked open, slightly disoriented,  because why the fuck did he wake up this early? He propped his body up on his elbows, and, still in sleep mode, he glanced at a digital alarm clock hanging from an outlet in the ceiling. Two in the morning.  Yep, definitely should not be awake right now. Wash being awake is the last thing that should actually be happening at this time. But why exactly did he wake up?

 

That's when the rest of his senses caught up to him, like a rush in his brain.  Faintly, barely, he heard it. The sound of an angel sent from heaven. Slowly, he climbed out of bed and shuffled out of his room into the hall to hear it better.  It was absolutely, positively, without a darn diddly doubt someone singing. It came from outside the base, but it echoed in the halls, like a surround sound stereo.  Surprisingly, Wash seemed to be the only one awoken by this beautiful, heavenly voice.

 

But….

Wait-

 

Is that?...

 

He got closer to the entrance to the base, his ears straining, caught on every note, every syllable.  This song....he knew it from years ago. A very heartfelt love ballad...

 

"I SPLIT THE ATOM WITH MY SHOTGUN, BABY!"

 

It brought tears to Wash's eyes and his racing heart ached in his chest.  Wash found himself at the entrance of blue base, blinking fat tears away, as he watched Sarge serenade him with his godly chords.  

 

There he was, illuminated by the moon, strong, tall but also short, so medium height....his height constantly fluctuating like he was born out of a jello mold.  His silhouette representing true masculinity, however that looked. But still, this handsome man continued his romantic melody.

 

Sarge finished his song, looked Wash directly in the eye, and winked.  Oh! Wash could just faint right now, what a man!

 

"Sarge,” Wash choked out, stepping towards his prince charming.  “That....that was beautiful. I have to tell you something, Sarge.”

 

They were closer than they were before, a mere foot between them, being Wash’s giant foot.  The other one was average sized but that’s not important yet. It was quiet once more, but Wash's pulse beat deafeningly in his ears.

 

They came closer and closer and closer and closer and closer until....

 

_SPRITZ!_   The sound of a spray bottle shocked them both apart.

 

"MY EYES!  MY GLORIOUS EYES!"  Sarge screamed, rubbing wildly at his face.

 

Tucker yawned and walked out from behind Washington, like a ghost, and sprayed Sarge once more with his 'Horny Sarge Repellent Spray'.  Without another moment's hesitation Sarge scampered back across the canyon, like a cat that heard a can open. Wash watched him go, an empty cavity forming in his heart.

 

Words that weren't given the chance to be spoken, heartfelt moments never shared, atoms not split.

 

Tucker shrugged, like the cockblock he was, and rubbed his eyes.  "Dude, they get bad during this time of year. I'd spray yourself down before going out.  Hell, one even fucking bit me the other night! Im taking antibiotics for it now, so no worries.  But I can’t tell if it's getting better? Like, wait, dude look-"

 

Wash stopped listening.  There was no time for him to mourn over a love gained, when it was just as soon ripped from his giant hands.  He just wanted there to be no crashing, no yelling, no signs of life, just silent. It's too early.

**Author's Note:**

> IMPORTANT-i wrote this when i was about 15 so....yeah, i was an idiot and didn't take it seriously and was just goofing around. and also if some of the language is weird that's because i actually used to talk that way, it's dumb, i know. peace out, have a splendid day :DDD  
> ALSO-p.s. the song sarge was singing is TWRP's song 'atomic karate', i literally just changed one word. it was kinda an inside joke. good day!!


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